Don't Tell Me, SHOW Me

In my July 2015 post "10 Tips for Film Fest Success," I mentioned one of my pet peeves is filmmakers using tired, over-used lines and phrases in the screenplay. My very, very favorite is the line that starts with "He is the best _____ I've ever seen." (Watch a dozen action movies and you'll hear it at least eight times.)
     Instead of telling me that Super Cop is the best police officer you've ever seen, SHOW me. Why? Well, for one, I don't know why the speaking character's opinion matters. Has he really seen that many cops? What does being the best actually mean? Does it have any bearing on the situation? Instead of dragging up another tired line or having a character I just met try to convince me (or another character), find a way to let me figure it out for myself. After all, if I wanted to have everything explained to me, I'd buy an audio book instead of going to a movie or watching TV.
     One easy technique to use is a quick montage, or series of shots. It might look like this:

(NOTE: All screenplay samples are the exclusive property of FracturedMom and require written permission prior to reprint or use.)
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SERIES OF SHOTS - SUPER COP'S HOME OFFICE

A. Several award certificates framed on a wall in a cluster.

B. A framed newspaper clipping with the headline "Super Cop Saves Metro City Again!" sits on a shelf next to a large glass trophy inscribed "Your City Thanks You."

C.  A picture of a politician shaking hands with Super Cop.

D. On the desk, a case full of medals and ribbons sits next to another case holding a large brass key inscribed "Metro City."
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     Without saying a word, you've established that your character is an exceptional police officer. This bears far more credibility than having someone say it.

     Another common over-sharing mistake you see are characters talking about what happened to another character in the past. In this case, a flashback will usually be more effective in conveying how past events have affected your character. For example, instead of having someone say "Jane's afraid to fly because she was in a plane crash that killed her dad," try something like this:

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EXT. AIRPORT - DAY

Jane hesitates outside the airport door, letting Bob and Lily walk on ahead of her. Bob stops and turns back toward her.

BOB

          What's the matter, Jane? I thought you were excited to go to Paris.

INT.  SMALL PROP PLANE - DAY (FLASHBACK)

Jane and her DAD are sitting in the cockpit of a small twin engine prop plane. Her dad is piloting the plane. The propellers can be seen spinning outside the cockpit windows as they fly in and out of clouds.

JANE'S P.O.V. - ENGINE OUTSIDE WINDOW

The engine bursts into flame with a loud BANG.

DAD -

He struggles with the controls as the cockpit shakes. There is another loud BANG. His face twists in terror.

THE CONTROLS -

Alerts flash warnings as the altitude drops rapidly.

JANE'S P.O.V. - THE COCKPIT WINDOW

Trees crash against the window, cracking the glass. A huge tree looms into view. The window SHATTERS.

JANES P.O.V. - HER DAD

A tree branch crashes into the cockpit, impaling her dad in the chest. He collapses forward, draped over the branch like a rag doll. Jane SCREAMS.

JANE -

Jane's body is flung forward as the plane comes to a sudden stop. Her head hits the dash in front of her. Blood flows from her forehead.

END FLASHBACK
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     Now, if Jane's character refuses to get on a plane, the audience understands the cause and severity of her fear far better than they would have from a few lines of dialogue.
     Instead of having characters describe an object or person, use an insert or cutaway. (See my January 2016 post on Cutaways.)
     The takeaway here is, before you have someone explain something in dialogue, try to figure out how you can tell the story visually instead. Unlike stage plays, movies and television shows give us the opportunity to tell a story with minimal dialogue. In the long tradition of abusing tired old phrases, when it comes to screenplays and dialogue, "less is more."