How to Ruin a Good Screenplay

As filmmakers, we're always getting great advice about how to do things right. Having recently encountered some great new talent stalled by amateur mistakes, I thought I'd talk a little bit about how we do things wrong in the film world. Earlier, I shared some of the worst abused film conventions that need to go away. Now, let's look at things we can do to ensure we never sell our screenplays to a major studio. Here ya go!

• Non-standard formatting. Just because you buy Final Draft or some other over-priced software (Word and a decent template will do), doesn't mean your screenplay follows industry standards. Invest $25 in a decent, recent book like "The Complete Screenwriter's Manual." Glue it to the back of your PC if needed, but keep it nearby when you're writing. Always. Check it often if you haven't been writing, and selling, screenplays for decades.
• Use the phrase "is ----ing" throughout your scene descriptions. Do it regularly. Okay, really you should use it seldom if at all. Screenplays are written in PRESENT TENSE. They should instruct your actors just like you might a group of kids in a classroom. "John walks to the blackboard," is always preferable to "John is walking to the blackboard," which indicates this action was already happening when the scene started.
• Throw timelines into a blender. Directors are always eager to guess at what you meant by starting a scene in one time frame then suddenly switching it to another. Here's a great example:

INT. JOHN'S CAR - DAY

John is texting and driving. 

EXT. STREET - NIGHT

John's car crashes into the back of another vehicle in front of him.

A simple "CONTINOUS" would rescue this series of scenes from certain disaster. 

• Include tons of secondary characters and extras but never capitalize them upon introduction. Or just don't introduce them at all and give them a line or two. ANY new character, even extras, should be included in their first scene description and capitalized. For example:

EXT. SKATE PARK - DAY

JOHN, a lanky teen in slacker clothing, and a group of SKATEBOARDERS gather around the half pipe and watch as LOIS, much younger than the others, prepares to make her first run.

Notice how key characters get descriptions and extras are introduced as a non-descript group. Even though the skateboarders in the crowd are extras, they need to be called out so the director can plan for them in the shot and the CD can cast them. They're also going to possibly need costumes and would affect how the shot is staged. 

• Go nuts with the slug lines. Personally, I think if you're using more than two or three within a master scene, it's time to "INTERCUT AS NEEDED". It's way too easy to lose track of where your characters are or what the camera is focused on when you over-complicate a scene with intricate slug lines. I was recently polishing a festival-winning screenplay that couldn't be sold and noticed that frequently the writer gave dialogue to characters he'd forgotten were off-screen based on his last slug line. No bueno! 
• Abuse the Caps-Lock key. Only new characters and important sound effects should be in ALL CAPS. (This does not include incidental sounds like footsteps created by characters walking on screen.) Just remember, the point of ALL CAPS is to get the attention of your casting director or sound editor. (Okay, you can use it for special effects, too.)
• Give lots and lots of shooting directions. Most amateurs precede each scene with "CUT TO," "FADE IN" or "DISSOLVE TO". If you're planning on selling your script, don't do this. FADE IN at the very beginning then let the DP plan his or her shots based on the awesome scenes you describe. All that fluff will also cost you an extra 5-10 pages, too.
• And, by all means, write in real-time. Here's a great example of marketability-destroying writing:

INT. JOHN'S BEDROOM - EARLY MORNING

John is asleep in bed when the alarm clock suddenly BUZZES. He sits up and rubs his eyes, then reaches over and hits the top of the clock, silencing it. He scratches his head, yawns, pulls the covers back and slides his legs over the side of the bed. He stands up, almost trips, then slips his feet into his slippers that are by the bed. He looks at the clock, reacts with panic, then runs to the bathroom, opens the door and goes inside... 

That scene description could be a lot simpler and more interesting:

John is in bed, sleeping peacefully. His ALARM goes off, sending him flying out of the bed. He nearly trips over his slippers, then stops to slide them on. He runs into the bathroom and slams the door.

• Use dialogue to explain everything that happens in your film. Be sure and have your characters talk about things that happened in earlier scenes to remind us what happened, just in case we've forgotten ten pages later. Also, tell us how your characters feel about everything through dialogue. In fact, have the characters explain their feelings to each other constantly. (You get where I'm headed here, right?)
• Over describe your characters with exact heights, weights, skin, hair and eye color. That will make a casting director ecstatic! (Just remember, character descriptions are to help the casting director find the best actor to play the part and the actor to understand who they're portraying. If the character's height isn't central to their behavior or motivation and has nothing to do with the story, leave it out. Same goes for all those other physical traits. And remember, not every character in your film needs to be attractive. That doesn't happen in the real world and shouldn't happen in your screenplay, unless you're writing "Zoolander 3.")
• Finally, make sure you completely ignore the three act standard when planning your film. Add lots of scenes that have nothing to do with the over-arching story simply because you want to use a specific prop, location or character. If you write an inciting incident, don't worry about the 10-page rule: just plug it in somewhere. It's all good. Yes, I'm being facetious. Your story should have an inciting incident - something that gets the ball rolling. It should have a discernible beginning, middle and end. Every scene should move the main plot or a key subplot forward. (Subplots should at some point have an impact on the main plot, too.)

Okay, that's quite a bit to digest in one sitting, so I'll shut up now. If you're a screenplay reader, polisher or writer and have a favorite rookie mistake or pet peeve to share, be sure and leave a comment. If you're new to writing or honing your craft, let me know what you think. Overall, remember that writing screenplays is more than the art of simply telling a story. Screenwriting is a professional skill that requires education and tons of practice to perfect.

 

Don't Tell Me, SHOW Me

In my July 2015 post "10 Tips for Film Fest Success," I mentioned one of my pet peeves is filmmakers using tired, over-used lines and phrases in the screenplay. My very, very favorite is the line that starts with "He is the best _____ I've ever seen." (Watch a dozen action movies and you'll hear it at least eight times.)
     Instead of telling me that Super Cop is the best police officer you've ever seen, SHOW me. Why? Well, for one, I don't know why the speaking character's opinion matters. Has he really seen that many cops? What does being the best actually mean? Does it have any bearing on the situation? Instead of dragging up another tired line or having a character I just met try to convince me (or another character), find a way to let me figure it out for myself. After all, if I wanted to have everything explained to me, I'd buy an audio book instead of going to a movie or watching TV.
     One easy technique to use is a quick montage, or series of shots. It might look like this:

(NOTE: All screenplay samples are the exclusive property of FracturedMom and require written permission prior to reprint or use.)
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SERIES OF SHOTS - SUPER COP'S HOME OFFICE

A. Several award certificates framed on a wall in a cluster.

B. A framed newspaper clipping with the headline "Super Cop Saves Metro City Again!" sits on a shelf next to a large glass trophy inscribed "Your City Thanks You."

C.  A picture of a politician shaking hands with Super Cop.

D. On the desk, a case full of medals and ribbons sits next to another case holding a large brass key inscribed "Metro City."
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     Without saying a word, you've established that your character is an exceptional police officer. This bears far more credibility than having someone say it.

     Another common over-sharing mistake you see are characters talking about what happened to another character in the past. In this case, a flashback will usually be more effective in conveying how past events have affected your character. For example, instead of having someone say "Jane's afraid to fly because she was in a plane crash that killed her dad," try something like this:

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EXT. AIRPORT - DAY

Jane hesitates outside the airport door, letting Bob and Lily walk on ahead of her. Bob stops and turns back toward her.

BOB

          What's the matter, Jane? I thought you were excited to go to Paris.

INT.  SMALL PROP PLANE - DAY (FLASHBACK)

Jane and her DAD are sitting in the cockpit of a small twin engine prop plane. Her dad is piloting the plane. The propellers can be seen spinning outside the cockpit windows as they fly in and out of clouds.

JANE'S P.O.V. - ENGINE OUTSIDE WINDOW

The engine bursts into flame with a loud BANG.

DAD -

He struggles with the controls as the cockpit shakes. There is another loud BANG. His face twists in terror.

THE CONTROLS -

Alerts flash warnings as the altitude drops rapidly.

JANE'S P.O.V. - THE COCKPIT WINDOW

Trees crash against the window, cracking the glass. A huge tree looms into view. The window SHATTERS.

JANES P.O.V. - HER DAD

A tree branch crashes into the cockpit, impaling her dad in the chest. He collapses forward, draped over the branch like a rag doll. Jane SCREAMS.

JANE -

Jane's body is flung forward as the plane comes to a sudden stop. Her head hits the dash in front of her. Blood flows from her forehead.

END FLASHBACK
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     Now, if Jane's character refuses to get on a plane, the audience understands the cause and severity of her fear far better than they would have from a few lines of dialogue.
     Instead of having characters describe an object or person, use an insert or cutaway. (See my January 2016 post on Cutaways.)
     The takeaway here is, before you have someone explain something in dialogue, try to figure out how you can tell the story visually instead. Unlike stage plays, movies and television shows give us the opportunity to tell a story with minimal dialogue. In the long tradition of abusing tired old phrases, when it comes to screenplays and dialogue, "less is more."